There is Passion in the Break…

4 November 2015

I struggle with my inner identity, and the notion of identity.

There are things that feel native to me, that rise up out of me and find their own words and Name themselves… Witch has, and is, probably one of the few that remains sated and desirous in its Own Naming. Queer is another.

There is so much conversation lately about ethnicity, cultural appropriation, colonisation, privilege, capitalism and empiricism. I am grateful that we are having these wide cultural conversations. I am mostly disheartened by the vast amounts of ridiculous rhetoric that I find. I feel that the Great Tiamat has been severed and dismembered so many times at the cruel and hateful hands of the warlords of our Over-culture that I am not sure which Shrines to weep at, dance in, make love on.

So many of us are suffering and in deep grief from interlocking issues of loss of ancestral, bioregional and ethnic roots. We are lost and looking for our people. And yet many of us belong to several tribes and some of those tribes find themselves at odds with each other… Our world is torn apart in ways that perhaps only some of the Wildest Gods can handle.

You know those Gods. Kali. Tiamat. Dionysos. Freyja. Odin. The Morrigan … those Ones we can not Name.

I look to some of these Gods for illumination, help, healing, vision, strength…

Mostly I look to my friends, lovers, families and challengers to fid my way through this fog.

It is good to pause and examine where the Stories of Power modelled to us as doctrines of Certainty begin and end for each of us. As cis-males and females, as trans folks, as people of colour, as indigenous people living in lands oppressed by invading cultures that initiate and hold the conversations, as queers, as invaders… To question this insidious game of privilege and then to wonder at the deep power beneath our feet in the Living Earth and reminding us to reach for our Ancestors and to dream of our Descendants.

Listening is a prayer. Asking a question is an invocation. Daring to approach another with willing compassion and dangerous devotion to the perilous quest of the evolution of the Soul of Humanity, we can be Masters.

Breaking down and letting go in the arms of those we can trust to hold us, to let us go as well… this is the medicine I need.

I am recovering from a nightmare of colonial oppression that is still all around me, that I am a part of, that I was born into. I have been walking with Medea, Witch of Wild Nature who haunts the Psyche of Man, and though She tears throats from Serpents to speak with the Tongue of Stars, and uproots oaks, She is reminding us of the Great Dragon who is Earth Hirself. I am in recovery and in shock… sometimes I am numb because of the constant assault on the non-human, because I have to say “non-human” as if it were a standard and not a perspective. I have been at war with my dark and my light in a very real genetic and cultural way. I have lived in the island in which I was born, I have lived in the lands invaded by the British, I remember my British and Irish ancestors. I miss them and their lands. I am waking up from terror, as you are, every day.

If we open our heart-eyes and just See, that is enough. That is the first choice we need to make. It is a commitment. Then we can slough off the pretences and the cultures of comfort and convenient and enter the primal discomfort with each other and listen, ask questions, listen, dare, dream, and listen again… Remember Justice and make a home for Her as we find, in our own storied skins and histories, the right time to speak, and the right time to listen. We are more than our identities, or our self-affirmed conversations with Self, we also belong to those who come after and we are reminders of those who came before us.

It is not enough to ask myself, “What have I done? What am I doing?” but:

“What is the Love I could summon here?” and “What lives inside me that is so deep and old it remembers how to mend the break?”

There is Passion in the break. I seek the Way to ignite my Will and bring it to kiss the Deep Places. I seek Love.