*A stream-of-(un)consciousness poem about my last few days here in San Diego, California*
I sit before the wheel of the sun,
Bright and earnest in soft and closed purples and open golds;
I am held in a blissful rapture unknown to me yesterday,
And yet it was there, buried in the pores of my skin ready to seep out.
I listen to birds and I am reminded of my Hummingbird,
Mysterious, seed-sower and nectar-swallower;
Heavenly messenger of the Blue Star,
And the hawk – who brings the message, “Be wary as I hunt”.
I have slept in a bower that has held me;
Even as I shook, I was held;
Even as my old life disappeared under the waterfall,
I was soothed by the Ancient Queen and I promised myself to a new life.
The red feather of an African bird in my pocket,
And the wise words of the beautiful daughter of Oshun
resonating in my mind and heart:
May I flourish! May I love myself – deeply and with no restraint!
I am alive – I had forgotten the Zenith of the Sun King,
I had forgotten the pin of sorrow at the Fall of the Stag;
Three years had caused this memory to vanish,
Three years that I had breathed away into what now seems a sorrowful past.
And yet, I can only wish and pray for blessings for all those who thought I had done wrong,
I know that I never did; and I have forgiven myself for my faults,
I have forgiven you for yours,
Let us heal and be as the wheel of the sun…
Though we all fall, it is because we have been at the height,
And the fall is not in vain,
It is the surrendering of the most precious gift,
Of my wild heart, black and innocent.
Nimue, daughter of the Laughing Goddess,
Stroke my cheek and drink of my tears,
For I cry them for a world that knows the Joy of All,
And I am a part of it. I have won this!
- Open the Road, Papa, Open the Road…-