Hi readers out there in cyber-space~
I decided that it would be a ripe time to commit to Blog no. 4! Just as well, as the Equinox is just two days away. For those of us in the southern hemisphere we will be celebrating the Autumnal Equinox – Mabon. Our friends in the northern hemisphere will be rejoicing with the renewal of life and the triumph of Light once more as the festival of Ostara is marked. Speaking of which, look out for the next Llewellyn Sabbats almanac coming out in July this year – I wrote the Ostara section!
Lately I have been winding up my shadow work which I began in late January after Christopher Penczak’s Australian tour wrapped up. Christopher had outlined the process of his suggested shadow work in his Shamanic Witchcraft and the Dark Soul workshop on the last day of the 2010 Pagan Summer Gathering (hosted by CAW Australia). I believe the shadow work is also outlined in Christopher’s Temple of Shamanic Witchcraft. Just briefly the process (which is highly self-directed and determined) involves the blessed art of ‘venting’ several times a week. In four columns entitled (generally): Anger, Fear, Jealously and Shame (I changed shame to resentment), one writes their corresponding ‘negative’ or shadow emotions. I have personally found these sessions highly reflective. Many times I have speedily tabulated my emotional spectrum of the day, involving many internal diatribes against myself and others; and other times each column was very sparsely adorned with these shadow-swept feelings. I have found that during the 9 weeks (which culminate this weekend for the Autumnal Equinox, and in my tradition – the Descent of the Goddess) I have cultivated both an ecstasy in the unleashing of raw emotions I have often been too ‘zen’ to confront or to allow, and I have also felt as if I am flowing down a river towards a sheer drop – a torrential waterfall that will break me…clean me. I have felt absolutely terrified at times, but I will persevere.
I have danced with my Shadow many a time, but never in such a facilitated and prolonged manner. I have discovered that there are such things as righteous anger (as potent as the blackest storm), poisonous envy, HOLY HOLY fear and wounding or inhibiting resentments. I have revealed parts of myself to close friends that have been terribly-good medicine; and through reflection I have mirrored back pieces of their own deep selves. In this time my partner and I got engaged, and my best friend and I exploded at each other with the Veil lifted and the necessity of truth and honesty driving the insistence. I have been surrounded by the medicine of the Dragonfly – the dispeller of Illusion, or rather the opener of the Eye towards the sacred Truth. I have uncovered another depth to the Mighty Sword that Persephone gifted to me all those years ago and which I understood to be my personal symbol of healing and resurrection – of reclaiming and banishing. The Sword of Light – of Initiation, of Illumination – the Sword that renders us Void. The Sword which strikes through, swift as lightning, to the beating core of the Living and in Tower-like fashion destroys those patterned and paradigmed notions, to arouse the willingness inside each of us to open the Book of Truth and read. These things are of course deeply and irrevocably personal, and my writing of them here today may not be communicable in the least – but it is still what is of me, and as such there may be at least some meaning dredged from this expression…
So, as I walk towards my death and embrace the infinite possibilites of the Cosmos, I shiver with the arousal of instinct and know that I will be torn asunder – it is only Hope which can kindle that life-flame within me to align me once more with my Deepest Self, my Core which is THE CORE, THE DANCING CENTRE, and open me ever to the Mysteries.
I quote that I have loved, loved, loved recently is:
“Guard the Mysteries; constantly reveal them” – Lew Welch
And, right NOW, I am listening to:
“Mother darkness, Mother of Light,
Earth beneath us, soul in flight,
Songs of Love, and Love of Life
Guide us to our Heart.”
Deep and Wild Blessings~